When parents who already have a child decide to go for the next one, they begin to appear very logical doubts and concerns both for the behavior they will have towards the new baby and for the one their child will have when their little brother arrives.
For the child it is clear that it will be a great change in family dynamics, since it will go from being the only child of the parents to having to share space with a small and unknown creature that also needs his parents almost full time.
It is for this reason that the parents can prepare the child beforehand so that little by little he will understand what will happen when the baby is born and what changes he will live.
Possible reactions to the arrival of a little brother
Before entering to talk about how to prepare the child for the arrival of a new baby in the family it might be interesting to know what are the possible reactions of children when this happens.
The answers will depend to a large extent on the age of the child, his level of understanding and the previous relationship he has with the parents, in addition to how prepared he is to digest the change. You may feel some indifference to the news, but then start having behaviors that you did not have before, probably trying to get the attention you feel you are going to lose.
It may be that it gives us the feeling that he understands everything and that he takes it really well, but that after delivery, With the new inhabitant already at home, react and show us that the new situation does not like.
It could also be, why not, that he feels happy to know that he will have a little brother and that once he is born He is proud to be the elder brother, to help in his care and to explain it to everyone.
Dialogue and availability, keys in the process
Whatever the child's reaction to the news or the arrival of the baby, the most important thing is to talk about it: explain what will happen, when it will happen, how things will be when the baby arrives, how mom will act and how dad will act.
It may also be good to offer a graphic representation of what reality will be, using the symbolic game, as we talked a while ago. Anticipating children what will happen is to bring a lot of cattle and, if he has also lived it in a certain way, representing him with dolls or characters, he will accept it much better than if one day you appear at home with a baby in his arms.
If there are going to be other important changes, better make them before the baby is born
During the first years of life of children, there are usually some more or less large changes in the routines of children who can live better or worse. By this I mean when they leave the diaper, when they leave the pacifier, the bottle, the chest, when they enter the nursery or the school, when they leave the crib to go to bed or when they stop collecting to go to their room, To give some examples.
Everybody These changes should take place before the baby was born, so that the child does not associate an important change that creates conflict with the arrival of the baby ("My brother is just coming and they put me to sleep alone"). If you cannot get ahead because the child is not ready yet, it will be advisable then wait for the baby to have a few months. Let's say that two big changes should never go together in time, if it can be avoided (let alone if one of them is the arrival of a baby).
How to talk if you are a small child
A child under two years of age has a limited capacity for understanding, of course, however that does not mean that we should explain things in a natural and reassuring way. As the mother's belly grows, she can be explained that a baby is growing and that one day she will leave. Tell him that he will be very little, like when he was a baby and that maybe he cries a little because he won't want to be alone.
Then you can explain some story that tells the arrival of a baby, work through the symbolic game as we have said or look for pictures of him when he was a baby so he can see that his little brother will be the same as him when he was little.
It might also be a good idea to have contact with other families who have had a baby recently and even with those who already have previous children, to see what the situation will be like (or so that when you live it, remember that it is as it is has been watching during the pregnancy of his mother).
How to talk to an older child
If the child is older, the more likely they are to make us understand, more explanations we can give and more doubts we can solve. An older child may be interested in the changes of the mother, how the baby grows inside, may want to notice the movements in the belly, may participate when deciding on the name he will have, help choose the clothes that will be will put, etc. and so make him a participant in the next family event.
Promoting the bond with other adults
When the new baby arrives, the mother will surely have to spend a lot of time with him. Much of that time I spent with the baby it will be time that I used to spend with the older brother and he could feel displaced.
To alleviate a little this situation is It is recommended that the child be making links with other adults, such as friends or grandparents and, above all, with the father, which should intensify their relationship with him so that he does not depend so much on the mother and so that, when the time comes, he accepts (more or less), that mom spend so much time with the new baby.
Obviously, once the baby is born, the mother must continue spending time with the older brother and, for that, parents will also have to spend time with their new child, so that mother and older son have their relationship ratios.
In our case…
As always, I tell you what happened in our case. People warned us of the jealousy that the elder would live and once the child was born they asked us about it, surprised that he did not have them yet, but convinced that “well, if he does not have them, he will already have them”.
However, either the jealousy has not been too intense, or we have not been able to see them, because we have not appreciated too many changes in our eldest son and he has always well accepted the presence of the little one, except now that they are 5 and 2 years old and begin to have their more and their less, but not precisely because of our attention or our lack of it.
While my wife was pregnant, my relationship with the elder was going from less to more. Not because of the pregnancy, since it probably would have happened the same, but because he had more time to be with him and because he was already two years old, on his way to the three, and little by little he began to accept (octopus as a companion animal) to Dad and other people as caregivers for a more or less prolonged time (I talk about some time).
Every time we played more, We shared more things and that made the child born our relationship more or less the same and accept (pretty good, I think), that mom had to spend time with the baby. As he has always been at home (provided he was not in school) with mom and baby, and with me when I have not worked, he will not have felt displaced (I say this because some families decide to leave the child with the grandparents if they go to doctor with the baby, if the mother goes to the doctor, if the parents are going to do some paperwork with the baby, etc.).
In conclusion, the best way to prepare a child for the arrival of a brother is speak frankly of what will happen, anticipate as much as possible what will happen, promote the relationship with other family members (not replace, but diversify) and when the baby arrives, try to make everything more or less equal with the child, so that Feel as dear as you have been.
Photos | Christyscherrer, Rsgranne on Flickr
In Babies and more | Jealousy between brothers, Jealousy between brothers: recommendations, My baby: jealousy of the older sister, Foster a good relationship between brothers
