I have read a very interesting article in which psychotherapist Beatriz Uprimny explains the main causes of the absence of the emotional bond between the mother and her newborn baby.
There are mothers who feel a special connection with their baby from the moment they find out they are pregnant. This bond is reinforced during pregnancy reaching the peak point at birth and then is fed day by day as the baby grows. That is what many mothers feel, but the same does not happen to others.
There are women who do not feel a special bond with their child, they feel disconcerted at the arrival of the new being, they feel invaded, guilty and distressed. To some extent, the sensation is normal as long as it is transitory. All women suffer a small crisis before the arrival of the baby, the important thing is to know how to distinguish when the help of a professional is needed.
The causes to which the psychotherapist attributes this lack of bond are three. I will list them and then talk about how they can be overcome.
- "The woman is in love with her freedom and autonomy. That is why, when a character who completely depends on them appears, it is perfectly normal for the countless changes in their daily routines to feel that they are losing their identity."
Instead of fighting against this feeling of lack of autonomy, unconditional love and dedication to the baby from the first moment is the best way to strengthen one's identity. The famous "see through the baby's eyes".
- “The image that surrounds motherhood is associated with the propaganda of the calm and smiling baby, but when it reaches the arms the reality is different. "There is a mixture of mixed emotions that are difficult to reconcile: love, expectation, sleep, tiredness and hormonal alterations."
Accurate, clear information and the experience of other mothers are key to give us a realistic idea of motherhood. Ad children are very pretty but raising a child is something else. Knowing what a newborn's care is about will help avoid frustrations when the baby arrives.
- "Mother and son don't know each other, they are just beginning to discover themselves." It is recommended that mother and child begin to know each other from pregnancy, enhancing the emotional bond since the baby is inside the gut. The connection established between the two will contribute to the mutual discovery once the baby is born.
