All children have emotions, which they do not have "as standard" when they are young, and that is why they have to learn, they are the tools to manage them. And for this, two ingredients are necessary: the child's own cognitive and emotional development (that is, their abilities are developed) and a good dose of learning. Do you know how you can help your child manage his emotions?
What does "manage emotions" mean?
Handle emotions does not mean avoid feeling negative (anger, sadness ...), that would not be healthy. The goal is for our little one to feel what she has to feel in each moment but that she is able to think about what she feels, recognize it and that she can modulate it in a way that makes her feel good (or less bad), that does not exceed her and that do not prevent him from doing what he wants to do.
Managing emotions in a positive way is Know how to recognize them and adapt them in intensity, duration and impact to the situation in which is the child (or we are, because this handle what we feel is valid for children and adults).
Benefits of being able to regulate emotions
According to J. Gottman, children with good emotional management pay attention for longer (sustained attention, it is called), have more ability to dedicate themselves to the task, show lower levels of stress and are able to resolve conflicts with their peers (friends ) more effectively.
Also, if the above is not enough, it seems that they are children who show less behavioral problems and tend to take care of others.
The results of the implementation of a program to improve emotional work in the classroom, carried out in the USA. They indicate that when teachers help children in class to manage their emotions, they solve emotional problems better and become more involved in classroom tasks.
And later, as teenagers, they have more ability to cope with stress, have better self-esteem, are more cooperative (boys) and have greater leadership capacity (girls), according to two relevant studies, one published in the British Journal of developmental Psychology and another carried out by professors from the University of Malaga (UMA).
What we should not do
Sometimes our need to protect children from the bad, from what makes them suffer, can actually prevent them from developing their own tools to deal with it, to be autonomous and to know how to manage themselves. An excess of zeal, protection can precisely leave them unprotected in the future, so we should avoid as much as possible:
- Minimize your emotions: "It is not so much".
- "Usurp the power", telling him what he has to do in this regard (not letting you devise your own strategies or try behavioral alternatives to manage your emotions).
- Condemn the negative emotions and prevent them from appearing or pretending to disappear quickly: "Come on, don't be sad, you get very ugly."
This last point deserves special attention:
Negative emotions do not have to be bad, we call them negative but they can be adaptive, such as feeling fear in certain animals is something that we humans need to survive, or a certain level of anxiety in some situations allows us to be alert and be more decisive.
In addition there are times when the emotion that arises, heals it, is negative, for example when we feel pain from a stroke or when a family member dies whom we loved very much. It is inevitable to feel sorrow, pain, and it is for us adults and children, so getting rid of them does them more harm than good, let's not stop them from feeling them.
How can we help you
1. Let him feel
We cannot make children have one or the other emotions, nor can we pretend to avoid, as I said before, that they feel this or that. Your little one has to know that she can have all those emotions and that it is not bad.
There is also a curious fact: the more the child feels that certain emotions may have (he does not feel that there is external pressure to eliminate them quickly, that he is questioned for having them or that he is urged to avoid them) the easier it will be for him to manage them.
A environment in which the child feels understood and supported in this sense it favors a better management of emotions, and in fact there are authors who indicate that it could even make their intensity (of negative emotions) less.
2. Show your emotions
As I always tell you, parents are role models for children: they learn from what we tell them, but also from what they see us doing. This is especially so in the case of the expression of emotions.
Think of your friends who are very sparse when talking about emotions and think (if you know her) what her family is like about it. What we see at home conditions us for the future, so it is important that we be aware that what we do in front of the kids is learning for them.
To do this: rthink about what you say and what you do when you're sad or happy, how you outsource it, what value do you give it, what do you see from the outside ... If you are inhibiting any emotion by considering it invalid ... read on.
3. Review your beliefs about certain emotions
It is important that we review the rules or customs at home about emotions. We tend to reject negative emotions, as I pointed out before, or to condemn others for considering them unacceptable.
There are people for whom sadness is something “not admissible”, something that must be overcome immediately or that has to have minimal impact. For others, frustration is not appropriate, for example.
But as we have seen all emotions have a meaning at a certain time, so it is positive that you review what idea you have about emotions to get rid of those negative connotations.
4. Name it
Provide children with emotional vocabulary It is key and, fortunately, we have a language rich in words about feelings. There is much beyond "I feel good or I feel bad": happy, cheerful, proud, frustrated, angry, scared ... If you notice that you are missing words there are many books about it, books that you and the child can read to learn together, such as the already classic Emotional.
Knowing what they feel, naming them, helps them identify what happens to them, to focus on it, to be able to take perspective and start managing it. When you see that he is sad, ask him: Are you sad baby
Also in moments when there is no emotion present We can work it, since sometimes the child is not able to verbalize it while feeling it. For example, playing, we can ask him what he feels when he is happy, or sad, or anguished ...
Defining what it feels like, whether the redundancy is worth it, feels an emotion provides a framework to limit it and therefore detect it in the future.
Emotions are something that surround us and sometimes surpass us ... That we who are adults and are supposed to be prepared to face them, so imagine what it is like for kids who are still in development.
The role of parents is very important for help them develop the necessary tools to manage their emotions, to learn how to do it in the healthiest way. And that begins, as I said, by talking about us, adults, about them. Let's talk!
Photos: Pixabay.com; Pexels.com
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Emotional. Say what you feel
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