When is it convenient to start with the sexual education of our children? How do we talk about it when they are little? Sexuality, and its approach, is a subject that usually generates doubts (and sometimes modesty and even shame) in parents, but a good sex education It is essential for the development of our children, from the beginning.
Sexuality does not start in adolescence
It is common belief that sexuality does not exist until late adolescence, but it is not like this: human beings are sexed beings since we were born, is not something that detonates at a certain age. Any parent with small children can observe that they ask questions, that they touch (children have erections from an early age, for example), that they are curious about it ... hence the importance of talking with them about the subject, of being there and accompany them in their development from the beginning.
In preschool age boys and girls learn a lot, a lot, about their body: the parts, their names, what feelings they transmit… There are no gender differences: everyone does and everyone wants to explore.
Between 18 months and 3 years They become aware of their body, of the anatomical differences between boys and girls, and can begin to touch their genitals with curiosity and enjoyment. We should not worry, it is normal, it is not indicative of anything bad. Sensual connotations of sexuality is something of adults, they don't have them, is more basic than all that: "I feel things that I like, I am exploring and discovering, and in the same way that I touch my legs because I touch my genitals." It agrees show them the name of all parts of their body, not just stay in head, hands, feet ... They have genitals, and genitals have names.
If they touch each other, we must respect them, not censor them or convey the idea that it is something shameful: they are discovering their body, it is part of their development.
Between 3 and 5 years old their curiosity is increasing and apart from touching themselves they can show interest in the genitals of other children (and in touching them), in knowing how babies are made, etc. If they play in public spaces or get nakedFor example, which is something that parents are very troubled, we can tell them that doing that is right, but that it is better at home and not in public. In this way we are not censoring their behavior or saying that it is negative, we only indicate that in public spaces it is not convenient.
When they touch other children. The kids touch each other, and it is also normal, I insist that the components of sensuality, desire, excitement, etc. They belong to the adult world, not to children: for them it is nothing more than a game, without more. It is important to keep this in mind when assessing certain behaviors that we see in our children: let's not look at them from the prism of adult sexuality, remember that they are children in full development. Of course, I speak of a behavior carried out by children of similar age, since when there are years of difference between the participants we enter another field.
We talk about Affective-Sexual Education
Affects, emotions and sexual development go hand in hand, they are inseparable aspects in these early ages. In fact their learning about it starts from minute one, when babies we hug them, kiss them and express affection (and they to us). This is what is called incidental (or unintended) education, and although we are not aware of it we have already put it (and put it into practice). Adults (and daddies especially that we are a reference for them) We act as a model and guide in the learning of children: our behavior and our verbalizations, both those directed towards them and those we express with other adults in their presence, is information that they receive and process as learning.
Based on model in the family Children will build their idea of what is acceptable and what is not, what is positive or negative, what is and how affection is expressed and how we relate to human beings, both physically and emotionally, hence it is contemplated as affective-sexual education, including both aspects.
We educate every day, not with a timely conversation
Sex education must occur naturally in the day to day, with daily routine, an approach far removed from the classic (to banish) "have the talk." No, you don't have to "make a special" or set up an event like this: let's take advantage of the opportunities that our own children offer us to talk about it when they ask, when they shower when they touch, when they see a couple kissing ...
Too Through the game We can address certain aspects since it is a great way by which children acquire information. For example: we can take one doll each and represent a scene with them related to the topic we want to deal with the little one; Through the doll our son will express what he really feels and thinks about it, and will be receptive and attentive to what the other doll says (the one we handle) in this particular scene.
Talking about sex with our children, although they seem very small, is not negative, it never is. Studies show that a normalization of sexuality, and good information about it, promotes better self-esteem in the child and a positive attitude towards his sexuality, which implies security, feeling good about himself, enjoying his emotions and feelings ...
What do we do when asked?
Always answer your questions and establish a trust framework. If you avoid the subject or refuse to talk about it, we convey the message that sex is bad or taboo. Do we really want that? Our home must be the place of trust in which they feel they can talk about everything.
Don't lie to him. If we don't want to be lied to ... we don't miss them.
No need to be an expert in the field. Before the questions of our children in most cases, whether about sex or why it rains, the tone and our attitude to respond will be fundamental: with this we transmit information, we indicate if it seems good or bad, if it is “good or not ”talk about it… So let's keep an open attitude, see that we are willing to talk, even if we do not know all the details of what they ask us. And if we go blank, nothing happens to recognize that we don't know something.
Let's be aware of our own fears and taboos. We all have them, it is like that, but we are interested in asking ourselves if it is something we really want to convey to our son. If not, we will try to neutralize them so that they do not affect them too.
Respect and love. What they ask may surprise us, it may violate us, we may not agree, it may seem silly to us ... but it is your question, and it is related to your body, your feelings, your doubts ... so let's show respect and we convey our love by answering them: we love you, and much, let's talk about what we talk about, and you can always count on us.
Do not use euphemisms. Things have a name, so inventing names or using euphemisms, for example to name the genitals (this is very common), can lead them to think that the real name has something wrong ... and it doesn't have it, so use the precise word To designate each thing, nothing happens.
If your child does not ask. There are children who do not ask about this subject, and it is as normal as those who do ask, nothing happens. As I said before, we can take advantage of certain moments to introduce the topic: a scene in a movie, a couple that we see in the street, when he gets in the shower and is in bolinchis ... Throughout the day there are many opportunities to address the issue in an absolutely natural and not forced way.
Affective-sexual education is fundamental: with it our children learn to know their body and their emotions, to accept themselves and to live and express their sexuality in a way that makes them happy. So talk, talk to them when they ask, when they do ... Yes, always with naturalness, love and respect.Photos: Pixabay.com
In Babies and More: "The curiosity about sexuality is innate. Interview with child psychologist Edurne Simón"
